"I'm Beautiful" Moments

Okay, I don't wanna sound selfish or anything, but...
I am beautiful. I don't mean this is a super conceited way. We are all beautiful, in our own way. We all have our flaws, including myself.

I have these moments, that can either last a whole night, or maybe less than an hour, in which I feel beautiful. I'm having one of these moments right now actually. These moments just happen almost randomly.

Literally, I'll just look in my mirror, and be like, "I am beautiful." I'll usually stare at myself for a little bit and allow myself to realize how beautiful I actually am. Other times when I look in the mirror, I can't but see my flaws. I see my pimples, my acne, my chapped lips, my uncontrollable hair, just everything. These moments are the exact opposite. This time, I see how pretty the color of my hair is, my fair skin and how it matched my grey-ish blue eyes fairly well. I don't know why, but I just love my eye color. I think it's awesome how blue they are sometimes or how cool they look when they are almost completely grey.

It's times like this I can't get over myself. Maybe this sounds so conceited, but it's true. It's nice to feel beautiful every once in a while, even if I'm just alone. I like to just feel beautiful as myself without trying hard and just knowing I'm naturally beautiful in my own way.

I think everyone deserves this feeling every once in a while. With society being so judgmental as it is, it's awesome to feel good in your own skin. It's fun to have these moments where it seems no one can bring you down. You just feel proud of yourself for being yourself.

I'm sure we all have those family members, friends, and neighbors who always tell us how pretty we are, and we can't help but not believe them. Well, sometimes it's great to know they are right, that they aren't just saying that.

Honestly, I hope whoever is reading this has had this feeling before. If not, you really should know you are beautiful, even if no one has said it lately. You are gorgeous. You are pretty. You are beautiful. You are you.

Reasons I Don't Need A Big Social Life

I love most of my friends to pieces, but when I tell them I have 2 weeks left here, they ALL suddenly want me to do EVERYTHING. That's fine if they all want to hang out with me, but I just cant say no to them. They try to start trying to convince me to say yes and ask me why I'm saying no.

Like, 2 days ago, 3 of my friends were having a sleepover. I wasn't sure about it, since I had a lot of work I wanted to catch up on. I said yes, never the less. It was really fun and I'm glad I went, but the day after I was exhausted. We stayed up till 6:30 am, and I woke up at 7:45 am. The whole day I was falling asleep for 5 minutes intervals on whoseever couch or comfortable surface I was laying on. 

So yesterday, I got home from the sleepover at 4. Again, I was falling asleep on my couch over and over again. One of my other friends call me, asking me to hang out. I kept saying no over and over again. Finally, I gave in and let her sit out on my porch with me. By the time she left though, she probably had a few bruises. When I'm tired, I don't think. When I don't think, I can be very abusive to my friends. What can I say? They are all fun to hit. (By hit, I dont mean really hurt.)

But I have 2 weeks before school.

2 books to read an annotate

200 words each for me to write for 5 conflicts each of these 2 books (2,000 words total)

And now my tumblr RP social life and a good start to sophomore year is starting to head down the drain due to my "social life"

I Just Love My Friends

Kayla:
She's just so fun loving and I've known her forever and I just love her innocence. It's with her I have the most innocent and childish fun that I still miss from being a kid...

TJ:
Our convos are the best.  We talk about orgis, hot guys, nerdfighter stuff, how much of a stalker she is, how 3 ways work out, what we would do if we have boyfriends, how we would be as wives, how bad I would be if you divorced me, and how no topic is off limits. Plus, I get to dish out so much relationship advice to her xD

Julia:
Julia, Julia, Julia... Oh god, she's my twinsies and our Omegle fun is awesome. The fact we are both so innocent yet so perverted is amazing and makes us the best of twinsies. I just love you and all the crazy times we have.

Sara:
We are RP buddies and on skype chat, we just randomly start singing songs. We tend to do "Call Me Maybe" and "Bromance" where we are finishing each of each other's lines xD

Finals

Ugh...
It's so close to summer, but 20% of my grade sits on my finals...
Yup, the 3 past months were only worth 80%.

So, my first two finals are tomorrow and I can't focus. The weather is nice, the internet is on, and I'm tired of work.

My worst subject is my first final... Great.

The teacher is a dumbass football coach and taught us almost nothing. His class was a teach-yourself basically. And its not like I ever studied for his tests and still got 80s...

Even if I don't take his test, I still pass his class. Yup, 20% down the drain and I can still pass.

But tomorrow, I have World Geography (worse subject) and Geometry (best subject) (still have to do the final review for a bonus though)
Then Wed. I have Drama (I still need to memorize my monologue) and English (Oh god, I hate trying to study for this one).
Thursday is Theology (which is a joke) and Spanish (doesnt sound too hard)
Friday is Bio (I really need to do the review for the curve, and I have yet to start it)

So, uh... Yeah. I'm slightly screwed but we'll see how everything turns out.

I need to post more...

Yeah. I really need to post more on here...

BUT
I noticed something.

My most read posts are about

1. Masturbation
2. A stalker bitch
3. My friend's boyfriends

All very weird/innapprioate posts...

And speaking of Lexy and her BFs, yeah, she broke up with Johnny a few weeks ago. Yeah, she's not exactly the best person to date, but I still love her. (Basically, she has really bad post-breakup relationships, where she hates the boy.)

But yeah. Hai. Here's a post. LAWL.

Loss of a Role Model

So this morning at around 4 am, one of the strongest people you could have ever seen died.

Her name was Theresa. She had a rare form of bone cancer. She was diagnosed 2 years ago and it started in her leg. Within that time, the cancer just spread dramatically. You could see her in school with her chemo in a bag. 

I met her cause it was about the 3rd week of school and it was Freshman-Senior week. She was my senior. She made me wear wacky outfits that week, including 3 inch cheetah high heels.

That was the only time I talked to her, but I would see her in the halls a lot. Sometimes she was in a wheelchair, having a friend push her and carry some of her books. Either way, she was always smiling. 

Anyone could tell you that she was the most beautiful person you had ever seen. She wore a bandana to cover of her lack of hair, but she was still drop dead gorgeous.

She was the oldest of 8. Her brother Daniel is in my grade and her sister Francis a year above me. Both of the are just like Theresa, strong and always smiling. Both of them knew how badly their sister was doing, and they still smiled and laughed through it all.

Today at school, we had an assembly. It was for Theresa. The whole school, minus those taking AP exams, were there. Everyone cried. Theresa’s friends got up and told some happy and sad stories about her. Even those who barely knew her got up and spoke, including me.

It was a sad day. Just looking at her Facebook wall is bringing me to tears. So many people looked up to her, including myself.

There is so much more I could say, but my thoughts are too scrambled and there is nothing that could make this do her justice fully.

All my prayers go out to her family and loved one, cause now they are the only ones suffering due to this lost.

However, she is in a better place now. She is no longer suffering from her cancer and now she is in God’s loving arms in the Heaven. 

I Miss It All...

Don't worry, this time is not an emotional break down...

I do still miss home though...

This tank top I'm wearing reminds me of home and summer... It smells like Rockaway sand and sunscreen. I really don't wanna wash it now.

I don't want to lose this smell. I'll never forget the smell completely, but the reminder right now makes me smile.

I miss the New York sun, the hot sand, the salty water, and just the atmosphere...

I miss being able to walk 2 blocks to buy an Arizona for 99 cents from the grocery store, where the owners love me...

I miss walking across the street to knock on my friend's door...

I miss riding my bike to the boardwalk, even when I'm not allowed to...

I miss just being 5 minutes away from everyone...

I miss my friends...

I miss the beach...

I miss food! New York pizza, Italian food...

I even miss Plum's. No, not the best food, but it was 2 blocks away and I would see everyone there.

So, here I sit at midnight... Typing a post, smiling, breathing in the familiar smell off this tank top...




No tears tonight...

Just memories...

With that final saying, I bid you a good night, and hopefully, sweet dreams... 

124 days

124 days till I can get away... 

124 days till I can be myself again... 

124 days till I get my ass out of here...

124 days till I'm free... 

124 days till I can go home...

I don't belong here. I belong back home. I want to go back. I want my friends. I miss them and I'm tired of hearing their stories. I could've been there, I could've seen it... I feel like I don't have enough time when I'm hear. School sucks. I almost feel like I'd rather be back home, going to a high school where I have to get up by at least 6 and take the subway or a bus or SOMETHING! My brother got that experience. He had to wake up at 5 each morning, then took a subway at 6, having to switch trains and all, and getting to go to school in the city. Sure... Here I wake up at 7, I don't leave my apartment till 7:55 usually... But I want my friends. I love them and they mean the world to me. I honestly feel forgotten and I'm starting to think they feel forgotten too. If my best friend replaced me, in anyway... I may just die. I've known her since I've been two! I freakin' love her and miss her. No one can fill the gap of out friendship.

I just wanna go home. I just wanna have the freedom I had. Here... I can't walk anywhere. I can't even walk to the damn soda machine thats two building away after sundown, because then my mom is scared to death I'll be attacked by coyotes... If you're so scared of them, then why did we move the state full of them?

Can I just go back home?  

Can I just see my friends? 

Can I just all my little hiding places where you'd never find me? 

Can I just have fun again? 

Can I just stop crying? 

Can I just live in my big house again? 

Can I just go back in time?  

Can I just live the way I want to?  

 No...



Always the answer... No.

I honestly just want to stop crying... It's 4 am here, and I typing this, not bothering to wipe the tears.

I just miss home...

What I've Learned From the Vlogbrothers

Animal Sex... Pretty entertaining to hear it described by one of the best authors...

Giraffes are whores...

And it takes a while for a goat to hump the right part of the body....

Honey Badgers are more badass than I expected...

Art stealing is way more awesome when you're eating Pringles...

Cuteness is nothing but a drug...

Anglerfish know nothing and don't judge each other...

Hanklerfish...

Nerdfighteria is awesome... So to all my fellow nerdfighters...

DFTBA

Dear...

1. (Mike) Newman...
   I liked you for 2 years, finally realized you weren't worth it.
   Funny, kind, and seemingly sweet...
   I've seen you drunk, and somehow find that adorable...
   Why did  I like you? Why now...
   
   TJ said you liked me, but I realize the lie. TJ wanted to see me happy, and my little crushing heart fluttered at the thought of you liking me. My stupid crush blocking my rightful mind, fogging up the truth.
   
   Not, you're not exactly a douche, or never have you ever been one towards me. But you're not worth it...
   
   You're obsessed with a girl, who you declared your love for, and cried like a baby when she tried to let you down easy. I love a guy with emotion, but when you are still admitting your love on FaceBook when she has a boyfriend, and you receive threats from that boyfriend, and you pretend its not about her, when we all know the truth...
   
   So please, Newman, stop posting attractive pictures that make me want to see you, stop making me want to like you again...
   
2. Bobert...
   Robert, is your real name... Proposed to me when I was age 5,  I turned you down, and what did you do, as a boy a year older? You go off, around the party, and tell everyone you broke up with me... Even then, a douche...
   
   I must say, annoying you by calling you Bobert is still fun... Sure I haven't seen you in at least a year, if not more...
   
   Hell, I almost forget your name... But I just love laughing at how much of a bitch you were at age 6...
   
   I must admit, you did look pretty hot without a shirt and just swim shorts when I first song you in the longest time about 3 years ago...
3. Ray...
   STOP BEING SO DAMN TALL...
   
   REALLY...
   
   SHRINK A FOOT OR TWO...
   
   MY NECK STILL HURTS FROM JUST THINKING ABOUT LOOKING UP AT YOU! NOT EVEN JOKING...
   
   And it never helped that I was usually the shortest or second shortest throughout our years at school...
4. TJ
   Always felt like I didn't like you since 1st grade...
   
   HOW DID I NOT REALIZE YOUR AWESOMENESS TILL 8TH GRADE?
   Seriously...
   
   You were just so... Anti-social in school... But outside? You were actually epic...
   
   AND GET YOUR ASS ON SKYPE MORE, I WANNA TALK TO YOU!
   Which reminds me my next letter...
5. Alex...
   OR Alexander, as TJ calls you...
   
   We 'casually' flirt all the time...
   
   You're probably one of my best guy friends...
   
   I rather miss you, but we're not the type of friends, I guess, that actually talk to one another unless we see one another...
   
   But seriously, we probably just may end up dating and hitting it off...
   
   NO... You're not the most attractive, but you are a hell of a nice guy and  I actually known you for a good part of my life...
   
   I BET TJ APPROVES OF THIS LETTER...
   

I think that's about of my letters that I felt like typing...
Yup, 4/5 were to boys/people who will never read it...

Maybe I'll type another one soon, or maybe just add onto this...

POST ABOUT TJ

Her life is fucked up...

I can't even describe it...

Her family is weird, and I guess she came out okay...

Lexy and all her Boys...

ALEXAS... THE LOVELY GIRL OF A CERTAIN WHOSE DATING THE LOVABLE JOHNNY...
AND YES, I'M KISSING UP CAUSE JOHNNY ASKED ME TO WRITE THIS POST


FOR AS LONG AS I'VE KNOWN LEXY, SHE'S HAD 3 BOYFRIENDS...

1. Stone
   Our age, looks like big tough guy, actually a bit of a softy.
   
   Stone was Alexas' bf when I first really got to meet her, which was homecoming... According to her, she never really liked him, but rather was talked into dating him...
   
   They broke up when Stone found out she liked another guy while they were still dating. She felt bad, but he got mad, then sorry when Lexy broke up with him for the next guy...
2. Andrew
   Year older, kinda dorky, much taller than us
   
   Andrew seemed like the quiet type. No idea how he and Alexas met. They didn't exactly look like a cute couple No offense. It looked like they were friends, not dating. Andrew really liked her, but she ended up losing the emotion within a month
   
   They broke up, and now it's awkward between them. Andrew was obviously heart-broken, and not doesnt talk to Lexy
3. JOHNNY
   A YEAR OLDER, THINK OF JOJO FROM HORTON HEARS A WHO. THATS HOW HE LOOKS
   
   I SO CALLED THEM BECOMING A COUPLE
   
   CURRENTLY DATING. I SIT WITH HIM AND LEXY AT LUNCH ALMOST EVERYDAY. THEY ARE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE AND I MEAN THAT  HE'S SO SWEET TO HER, AND SHE REALLY LIKES HIM... JUST ADORABLE, JUST  PLAIN ADORABLE...
   
   THEY RECENTLY HAD THEIR FIRST KISS
   
   KNOWING ALEXAS' STREAK, IF SHE BREAKS UP WITH JOHNNY, I MAY NEED TO CONVINCE HER TO RECONSIDER... I MAY BE SAYING THIS BECAUSE I'M NOW FRIENDS WITH HIM, BUT C'MON ALEXAS. I SEE THE WAY HE IS ABOUT YOU AND ITS ADORABLE. AND YOU SAY "I JUST LOVE HIM..."AND"HE'S SO ADORABLE" ALL THE TIME...

YOU TWO BETTER NOT BREAK-UP ANYTIME SOON OR I MAY HAVE TO SLAP ONE OF YOU...

THAT STALKER BITCH I KNOW

I swear, just ask TJ

THIS BITCH, MARIAH, OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL HER NAME...

YEAH...

SHE'LL CLIMB UP A LADDER TO STARE AT YOU IF SHE THINKS YOU'RE A HOT DUDE....

THAT MOTHER FUCKER IS WEIRD AS FUCK...

ITS NOT EVEN LIKE SHES ATTRACTIVE!

THINK OF ALL THOSE UGLY GIRLS WHO STALK GUYS THEY LIKE, THEN END UP MURDERING THEM FOR SEEING HIM WITH SOME OTHER GIRL...
YEAH, THATS MARAIH IN A NUTSHELL

AND SHE WILL MURDER YOU IF SHE FIND OUT YOU LIKE A GUY SHE LIKES...
SHE HAS NO CHANCE WITH THEM!

SHE LIKES PETER, AND IS CONVINCED SHE HAS A BETTER CHANCE WITH HIM THAN JULIA...

GO HIBERNATE, CAUSE YOU AIN'T GONNA GET NO BEAUTY SLEEP...

I SWEAR... SHE IS A MOTHER FUCKING CREEPER...

AND SHE LIKES AT LEAST 5 GUYS AT A TIME...

GET OUT OF THE BUSH AND GO STALK SOMEONE WHOSE IN YOUR LEAGUE

THIS BITCH CONFUSES ME...

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU SPAWN FROM?

LITTLE DEMON, STALKING, MOTHER FUCKING CHILD...

JULZ AND PET-AR

Julia-one of my best friends
Likes Peter-a boy I went to school with, the son of her crazy-ass science teacher, and is also a year younger than us

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

They are so cute...
And I mean that...

They met at Dunkin' Donuts SO ROMANTIC
And now Julia likes Peter...

She wants to date him... But he's a bit oblivious...

Not to mention how awkward it would be to be dating one of your least favorite teacher's son.

Me, and TJ, always taunt her a little bit...

YOU GUYS WOULD MAKE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE...........

and so on and so forth...


OH! And she assumed he was gay... Just because the way he flipped his hair. WHEN YOU HAVE A THAT HAIRCUT, YOU ALMOST HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACT CUTE AND DO THAT WITH YOUR HAIR...

And c'mon... Peter is straight as... I don't know... A line?
But no, he's not the manliest, but he is cute... He looks like a little brother to me...


BUT YEAH!
Julia and Peter need to get together, get married, and live happily ever after in a castle with at least 2 adorable blonde babies!!!!

Please Excuse Me...

I swear to God I am normal...
I just have a fucked up mind at night, where my thoughts roam free...

Not to mention, the mini-inside jokes I may have in my posts
MASTURBATION IN SPANISH CLASS


So please excuse some of my weirdness... Some nights I am worse than others... Some nights I just want to rant...

Some nights I just am random and crazy...

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING...

Masturbation

Yes...
It's healthy.

No...
I do not masturbate.

Why?
Masturbating for guys, I feel, makes more sense than masturbating for girls. Guys can just stick their hand down the pants anytime they want and just masturbate, whether its in Spanish class, or in their room, staring at hot girls on Google images.
Girls, on the other hand, have to almost be serious about masturbating. They need to usually by a dildo of some sorts, or some other object, while others like to use their fingers. No offense, but sticking your fingers up your vagina is a disgusting to me. Plus, girls usually have to have to sit down and choose to masturbate and basically prepare to masturbate...

Ok... I don't blame anyone for masturbating... It's normal, it's fine...
For all I care/know, you could be masturbating when you're reading this.
Either way, I don't care.

It's your body, your choice, so I have no place to judge.

You don't masturbate?
You're normal...

You masturbate?
You're still normal...

Oh! And why is a teenager writing about this?
Mainly cause it's a bit of an inside joke, it's my thoughts, and it's my blog...
And let's face it, people who are my age are getting more action from masturbating than action with their boyfriend/girlfriend...
Except for a few girls I know...


But yes...
I'm just a teenager writing my thoughts on my blog...

My New Blog

Hello!
This is my blog...

It's where I will share my thoughts...
It's where I will help anyone who needs my advice...

My friend suggested I make a youtube, but then I decided "I'll make a blog instead!"
So here I am.

You can comment on any of my posts...
If you need any advice if you have a crush or other relationships, just ask me!

My friends think I'm pretty good with "Love" kinds of advice, hence why I'm considered a teenage love guru among them.

OH!
And I also double as a therapist for my friends... No joke...


And don't worry, I'm not one to judge anyone.
<3

I hope to gain some lovely readers along the way...